You’ve Got Mail

WotH Writers Writing

by Jenna Wimshurst

Are you sad, lonely and desperate? Sucks to be you! But that’s beside the point… I’m writing to tell you that you need to go online dating! You know that film You’ve got mail? Well, online dating is a lot like that, but also it’s nothing like that, so I’m going to give you a bit of advice on how to do it:

We need to start with your profile. Let’s be honest, the picture is the most important part, you might be hilarious and bloody great in the sack but if you look like a moose then I’m swiping left.

Ensure that your profile picture is just of you and doesn’t feature any sort of weird stuff that you have. For example, if you’re really into traffic cones maybe save that until you’ve met instead of having your entire collection in the picture.


  • Be light-hearted and fun, unless you’re not light-hearted and fun, in which case just be yourself,
  • Write what you want and not want you think other people want to read. If you’re a crackhead with bad breath then put that, be your true self child.


  • Write too little,
  • Write too much,
  • Be a dick (in life really, not just on dating websites),

When you compose a message have a think about what message you’d like to receive. Because “Hi” doesn’t get any conversation started, neither does “how are you?” But don’t write huge dissertation revealing everything that’s interesting about you before you’ve even met; because then you leave zero things to talk about when you do meet. For example, if you’ve got three legs and a fourth eye then keep that for the first date.


Oh look, you’ve got mail.

© Jenna Wimshurst